During my first pregnancy I wrote my baby many letters, when she was born I added to this collection every few months. I have tied them with a white ribbon and stashed them in her overflowing special things box.
When I was pregnant with my second baby I was too sick to move or think. Then he was born and he cried and we didn’t sleep. My husband had cancer and letters were never written.
I feel poorly about this but I hope he understands that it is a little harder to write letters with a baby on your hip.
Now he is over two years old and I am finally writing his letter.
My precious, perfect baby boy,
I thought of you every day, every minute for many years before you existed inside me. I was so sick while I carried you but so happy. I stayed home and cuddled your beautiful sister, chatted to your wonderful dad and spent the quiet time giving thanks that soon the day would come when I would hold you.
Your birth was crazy!! At 9pm I was sent home from hospital, told I had no signs of labour and that it would be a couple of weeks before we met you. Less than 90 minutes later you were in my arms. You were perfect.
You had a hard time adjusting to this big, noisy world. As much as I could I held you and kept your days quiet and calm. You just wanted to be comforted, fed, nursed and loved. We had many rough nights but entwined in those nights were beautiful moments when I held you so close, smelt your skin and calmed your cries. I wished I could freeze the moment forever, or at the very least imprint it, in it’s entirety, to my mind.
Your Dad was very sick for a large part of that first year, sadly neither you, nor he can ever get that time back. He couldn’t hold you but as soon as he could he became your favourite person. You had reached an age where your little legs would kick at the mere sight of him.
You were still unsettled by the world around you but you were getting braver.
Let’s talk about you now. The little boy I have before me today. You are crazy beautiful, I look at you and my heart overflows every time! The world frustrates you less and less, you have found so much that you enjoy, however nothing, or no one compares to your Sister. You adore her and she adores you. You play together all the time and you really are the loveliest little brother. You and she make a great team.
You are finding your words and I think it is the cutest thing ever. I wish I could freeze both you and Lu. Many people talk of the terrible two’s, however for your life up until two was hard but now I think you feel understood and you have realised that life off Mum’s hip isn’t so bad after all.
You are a real little boy. Despite being surrounded by dolls and princesses you love the outdoors, dogs, trucks, trains, and dinosaurs.
You are gentle, kind, affectionate, thoughtful and sweet. You are cheeky and funny and brave.
We love you so much. Every day is new with you. You will look at me differently, speak to me differently, hold me differently. I am loving the journey.
Your sister is at school full time and many days it is just you and I, having our quiet days, doing our jobs, sharing our time. It is precious. I am all too aware that soon enough you will have your packed bag on your back and be following your Sister up that school path.
Thank you for your kisses, your laughter, your words and your smiles. Thank you for ensuring our family steps back and enjoys the quiet times, the perfect moments found in simply being together. Thank you for being my little buddy, for holding my hand through my days, for cuddling me at night and loving me unconditionally.
I can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings and at the same time I am clasping on to yesterday.
I love you baby boy.
Choc Topped Caramel Cups
10 medjool dates, seeds removed
2 cups desiccated coconut
Place the ingredients into your blender or food processor and blend until broken down to a fine, sticky crumb.
Fill the holes of a silicon muffin mould with the crumb and press it firmly into the base and sides, leaving an indent in the centre. You can see in the picture that my sides are reasonably thick.
Place in the fridge or freezer to set.
2 tablespoons honey
2 tablespoons hulled tahini
Using a fork or spoon combine the ingredients until smooth and well combined. This is delicious, refrain from eating it.
Spoon the mixture evenly into your caramel cups. Return the cups to the fridge.
2 tablespoons of honey
4 tablespoons cacao or cocoa
6 tablespoons coconut oil
Using a fork or spoon combine the ingredients in a cup, if you coconut oil has completely liquefied you might like to place this in the fridge for a moment to thicken slightly. Alternatively if your coconut oil is very solid you might find it easier to do this in a blender or food processor.
Top the cups with the chocolate and place in the fridge to set.